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Mon, Sep. 1st, 2008, 12:17 pm
inspiration for me.

so i was doing good, i felt better about myself and how i looked, i went to the gym and than i noticed that when i fast it just makes me want to eat everything in the world when you are done fasting. i binge out like fuck. so i took 13 lax last night, oh man i wanted to cry, lets hope everything is out before it gets to my stomach. today is labor day so the gym n nothing is open, i will take more lax today throughout the day and eat just some grapes. and a yogurt and the lax will take that out too. tomorrow i plan on going to the gym for more than 2 hours. im hoping 4 but im not sure if my mom will stay that long. i usualy go for 2 hours. anyways school starts wed. i dont want to look like a fat fuck. i hope i look better and this binge doesnt come on to me. i am never fasting again. maybe a day or 2. actaully i will. i know how to control it. but as of right now no. i want to be thin and i will be thinner than what i am right now. i will be. give me a week or 2.  im really nervous about school. i hate my stomach. yuck. yesturday i ran 4 miles. it felt great. and had nothing in me for 3 days. except black coffee, one cup. alright i am gonna go. i am gonna save this as inspiration. everytime i do a fast, i get confused and think about food and how i should be normal. i hate it. i dont want that. i want to be thin. i can be. gr.